ass

PAST RANTS

What we found out at our CBs reunion show!

1. its all on us
2. we can sell it out
3. we all sell out
4. we are that cool
5. it is more fun being 21+ at CBs
6. NYC loved the Killer
7. don’t smoke pot in there before sound check when there is only 8 of you inside and you are all together – easy bust!
8. remember your banner
9. remember your Marshall head – we had backline, that’s all you brought jackass!
10. some of our oldest friends are in it for the money and that’s why they played
11. people do think we care about their opinions on who played, why and who should have
12. some of those same people who asked to be on what was not their show, didn’t show, which verified what we knew about shows and who shows
13. some of you are not and were not our friends even though we all shared some history. we never hung out, aren’t boys or friends and simply put we don’t all like each other and that’s why your fucking band did not play – even if you did act like we were tight the last few times you saw us, motivated by the fact that you wanted your shitty band on this show, which again was not your show, as you shamelessly beat around the bush and never really asked in your pussy ‘c’mon’ way of asking if you could be on the show
14. the unemployed kid who did the flyer did expect to get paid
15. you can get blasted at the bar and ignore your merch all night and others will still watch it and sell your stuff all evening and trustingly hold and give you your money at the end of the night when you are so drunk you wouldn’t know the difference if they did short you – you can trust people
16. some guys in bands don’t want to go anywhere
17. everyone IS fucking out of their ass
18. some bands still do suck
19. promotion still falls on the few
20. so does the cost of that promo
21. some people are not afraid to shit in the guys room in CBs and read C…RAP
22. sometimes too much time has passed
23. some old friends should not hang out again
24. substance abuse is hardcore - cocaine is HC and we collectively smoke more weed than any crew of hippies.
25. just cause you borrowed someone’s equipment it doesn’t mean you have to watch their set
26. RIPs CBs.

Top 10 things to remember while doing that big first interview:

1. Lashing out and bashing certain things you actually dream of from your quasi successful position at what could lie ahead for you and what you actually want further compromises your self as it’s obvious the writing is on the wall for what is next.

2. We at C…RAP (logo here) use the term writer very lightly. Very Lightly. Doing an IV with a band, recording it on mini cassette, playing it back and typing it up does not make the person interviewing you a writer – and that applies to us as well.

3. Acknowledging the enemy is bad. Whatever tiff you got going on out there, you don’t sound tough, nobody cares and you just brought attention to your being a pussy CUZ YOU HAVENT POPPED ANYONE YET AND YOU’RE STILL TALKING!

4. “Yeah we probably won’t be on cribs anytime soon.” What the fuck kind of a statement is that? What are you saying; punch me in the fucking face? Pass the Kleenex PLEASE.

5. Upon setting up for your big IV. Just remember. It’s been covered. All the prophetic sharp wittiness you think you possess and are confident comes across in those rich responses you rehearsed – you don’t and it’s been covered.

6. That picture of you guys for “press” should not be as its ass, your friend fucked up, has no eye, we ain’t press and you ain’t doing “it” right now!

7. Talking about how it’s gotten away from being ‘about the music’ is furthermore true by you saying it here jackass.

8. Telling us how incredible it is to perform and have people respond to you does not sound incredible.

9. Talking about touring and being on the road and in a van with your band all the time really may sound like unique material for an interview, and though it isn’t, it does reek of you actually being in love with your singer and just plain happier in tight quarters with your 4 best guy friends giggling your way around the country playing practical jokes on each other, shopping and sharing mousse. Girls just wanna have fun!

10. Your inside jokes are really not funny, nor do they create any further interest into the band and you little cuties. Its not just that no one gets it either, its that you know you are not interesting and you cover up that insecurity with acting like an ass and pretending its some funny inside shit only the band knows. Bottom line pussy? You’re not interesting or funny.

11. When asked what your top 10 records of all time are, answer honestly please ‘you strategic little ‘perfect 10 list’ fuck’ who has been contemplating being asked this question since you started your first band, 6 bands and 8 styles ago!’

Hey guys, I wanted to assure you that now that you have those 3 covers down, and almost have the lyrics done on those 2 you wrote, and almost know how the second of those 2 songs breaks down and gets hard, and what you think you need to do and not do with your band, and you may play those 2 songs during your friends next set and jump the gun of playing out before you are even close to ready………. I want to assure you, you definitely do not need to go make stickers or t-shirts just yet!